Dear Men in the Production I Am Currently Working On:

I realize that this is theater and we have all flashed our underwear to our backstage castmates during a quick change. I realize that this is theater and we don't really think twice about that kind of thing, that we're not always the most modest bunch. But, before the show is another matter entirely. Before the show you have a dressing room. The dressing room has a door. I do not, when I am backstage making coffee, need to see you standing around in there half dressed and having a conversation. Especially not when the one of you standing nearest the wide open door is 50 years old and wearing nothing but a pair of saggy ass tighty whiteys. I'm just saying.

Love,

Your House Manager