Yesterday I was sitting in the den attempting to read my book for book club tonight (I say attempting because the author's prosaic style has been hard for me), when there was a knock at the door. I was taken aback by two things- first, it was the *back* door, but last night was neither the first nor last time it'll be mistaken for the front door, second, it wasn't a normal knock, it was "shave and a haircut".

I figured it had to be someone i knew/who knew the house, but had no idea who. I opened the door to find sort of a scungy guy I'd never seen before. At first I figured he must be selling something, but he didn't have anything in his hands, and he smelled like he'd been drinking. Finally I spoke, and the conversation went like this:

Me: Can I help you?
Guy: Uh, yeah. I'm Doug, I'm a good friend of Chris'. Is he here?
Me: I don't think so. He left a couple of hours ago and I haven't seen him come back.
Doug: Oh, okay. Well, he has my bike, and so I was hoping I could get that back. He's been keeping it for me for a few months.
Me: Um, well, unfortunately I don't know anything about that, so I can't really help you.
Doug: Well, I can tell you what it looks like. It's silver, and it has tires. It's specialized.
Me: Well, there are bikes in our garage, but I don't feel comfortable just giving it to you without talking to Chris. Do you have his cell number? Can you call him?
Doug: Yeah, well, he's being a punk, he's not answering my calls.
Me: .........

So Doug takes a moment to call Chris and leave him a voicemail. Now, I'm generally a fan of a well placed F-bomb. I think there are certain situations where it is simply the most appropriate word to convey a sentiment. However, I do not approve of it's use as filler in a sentence, where every other word is "fuck" or "fuckin'" because you can't think of anything else to say. Doug falls into the second category, and the last sentence of his voicemail to Chris was this sterling gem: "Like fuckin', you know, fuckin', whatever whatever whatever, so fuckin' call her." Then he hangs up the phone and turns his attention back to me:

Doug: So now can I have my bike back?
Me: Um, no. I didn't talk to him.
Doug: I just want my fuckin' bike back!
Me: Okay, but hopefully you can understand my position. I've never seen you before. I don't know you from any other random person on the street. I'm not going to be responsible for handing something over to you that is not mine to give.
Doug: Well, is it my fault that he's like, fuckin' holding it hostage?
Me: I can't speak to that. I told you that I'm not going to help you out until I've talked to Chris. And you can watch your mouth. There is no reason for you to be swearing at me.
Doug: Well, whatever like, if you've got little kids around or whatever, otherwise I can say whatever the fuck I want"
Me: Then I can close this door and refuse to have anything more to do with you.
Doug: Yeah you can. Okay, have a nice night.

And with that he turned and walked back down the driveway.

Really, I couldn't have cared less about the swearing, because he wasn't angry at me or swearing at me, he just had a really limited vocabulary, and aside from that annoying me, playing "bait the drunk person" can be fun. And I told Chris that between his boss and Doug, he needed to introduce me to some of his "normal" friends.

These questions are from Brad. He likes to give me at least one really hard question, but it's good. Makes me think.

1. You're at a party and a company president mentions that they need someone just like you at their very lucrative and stable company. They want to DOUBLE your current salary. The only drawback is that there is a lot of travel involved in the job. It's very interesting work, but you'd be gone from home 4 days per week. Do you take the job?

Absolutely. Given that I've got nothing tying me down right now, I would love to have a job that included travel- I don't see that as a drawback at all.

2. A photographer notices you at a restaurant and gives you her card. She is compiling a book of women of all shapes and sizes, and wants you to be part of it. It is a nude book, and not pornography. She is paying $1500 for one photoshoot. Would you go? If not, is there an amount of money that would change your mind?

I'd tell her I needed to think about it, but I'd probably do it. It'd take a lot of talking me into it by my friends, but I'd do it. I have no problem with nudity for the sake of art. There would, however, be stipulations as to exactly how the images would be allowed to be used.

3. You're walking along the pier and notice something is wrong. You hear shouts from a kid about his pets and look over the side of the pier to see a cat and a dog, both struggling in the water. What do you do? Do you jump in and save one, or call for help? If you jump in, which would you save (it can be only one, sorry)?

Assuming no malevolence on the part of the child caused the animals to be in the water, I'd yell for help, and also jump in. I would not conciously choose which one I would save. I'd save whichever one I go to first, and hope that both myself and the kid yelling for help got someone else to jump in and save the other one.

4. It's 4:00am and you're heading home from a friend's house. You come to a red light and there isn't anyone in sight. You're very tired. Do you run it?

Nope.

5. What's next in evolution on this planet? There were dinosaurs here once, but they didn't impact the Earth like man. What will happen to us in thousands or hundreds of thousands of years?

Well, this question is sort of hard given my religious beliefs, but based on some basic science I can give you my thoughts on it (but I think that they may come off as a bit "sci-fi nerd"). As you pointed out, humans have had much more impact on this planet than any other species. We force our environment to adapt to us, rather than adapting to our environment. So I think there are a few paths that could be followed- either we're going to "destroy" this planet and kill ourselves in the process, "destroy" it and find somewhere else to live- space stations, other planets, what have you- or we're going to learn how to lessen our impact on the world around us. I think in any case, whether we're gone, or we're here and have learned to quit killing everything to suit our own purposes- which is why I used "destroy" in quotes- I think that in the much larger, millenia-spanning evolutionary sense, life is resilient. Any plants and animals that haven't been driven to extinction will flourish again, and I think that Earth has the definite potential to go back to a state similar to what it was before humans forced ourselves upon it.

I love the interview meme because it actually gives me something to post about? Wanna play? Leave me 5 questions in the comments and I'll answer them and respond with 5 questions of my own.

These are from Caryn:
Apparently she didn't like my first attempt, so she gave me follow up questions.

1) What is one misconception people have about you?
When I’m in a group of people I don’t know all that well I tend to get really shy and closed off, or stick close to the people I do know well, and it tends to make people think that I’m stand-offish or snobby.

2) What is something you wish you could/would do more often? What is holding you back?
Travel/visit far away friends. Holding me back would be lack of time/finances.
2a) which friends in particular are you missing? where are they? what would you like to do while you're with them?
It's not even so much that I "miss" my friends, because I think we all do a good job of keeping in communication with each other, hanging out via IM and the like, but it's not the same as being in the same place as them. So, specific who/where/what would be:
Erica in Merced with whom I'd watch movies and scrapbook or embroider, chatting all the while
Heather in Jackson- I'd chat with her and her husband, play with her kids and snuggle her infant son. Maybe play a game of Jeopardy! on the computer.
I don't even have to fly to go see those two (yet- Heather is moving to Alabama soon), but visiting them takes a free weekend that I rarely have)
Caryn in Austin, we'd hang out at her house, eat at Chuy's, and shop.
Brad in Kansas City, we'd go for walks, do stuff outside, watch Hockey and chat. A LOT.
Nicole and Richard in Toronto, hang out, go do touristy stuff. I'm hoping to visit them in early Spring and take in a Maple Leafs game and go to the Hockey Hall of Fame.
Tara in Seattle, we'd shop, walk around, be weirdos, and go to Archie McPhee and take a ferry to Port Townsend to go to that store she found there.
Joseph in San Diego, we'd see a play, eat Fish and Chips, walk around the Marina, maybe go to Coronado. And we'd act like idiots and laugh a lot.

3) List five things that always, always cheer you up.
3a) what is it about each of those things that cheers you up?
Itty bitty babies- This should be a given. Who is not cheered up by an itty bitty baby?
Flowers- Again, who isn't cheered up by flowers? Flowers are awesome.
Joe Duffy- He's just an all around nice guy, always fun to be around, and for some reason, always so happy to see me. If he's in the middle of something when he sees me, like a conversation or something, he'll hold his arm out to the side to get me to come get a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
A Boston accent- honestly, I just find them to be really hot for some reason, and so hearing one puts me in a good mood
Weddings- again, duh.

4) Describe your dream vacation (ie. money/time off work/etc is not an issue).
Wow, umm… this keeps changing, but…. It’d be long, maybe a month... I’d start with a week in New York (and since money is no object I’d fly a few friends to NY with me), a week in Greece, then ten days or so traveling around the rest of Europe by train, spending a day in Paris here, a day in Berlin there… then spend the last few days at an all inclusive resort in Mexico relaxing before going back to work. I’d also definitely have to be traveling with at least one friend.
4a)what would you do in each of those places? why did you choose those destinations?
They're just places I've always wanted to go. In New York I'd see shows and go shopping. There's a pickle store I've heard about that I want to go to that makes their own pickles- several different types. Greece is beautiful, I want to see the old medieval town and the monastery of Agios Markos in Rhodes, and I want to see Santorini. The train around Europe thing just seems like it'd be cool, and then all-inclusive in Mexico because it's beautiful, it's warm, and it's completely relaxing, which would be the perfect way to unwind from several weeks of running around different places being touristy.

5) What are three things you would like to learn?
5a)why do you want to learn those things? what draws you to those?
Doulaism/midwifery- I love babies, and I'm good at helping people, I'm good at being calm in a situation, and I just think that there is nothing more special than helping someone bring a baby into the world.
Garment construction- Being in SCA, it'd be nice to be able to make new clothes whenever I wanted.
Hockey (playing)- I love watching hockey, and a fair number of my friends here play now, so, it'd just be fun.