A few weeks ago, Ida, Sarah and I were talking about baby names, because after Ida and Mo get married later this year, they want to have a baby. Ida already has two boys from a previous marriage, so she *really* wants a girl this time. Sarah and I threw a ton of names at her, and she really likes the name Victoria.

The fabulous Caryn and I were talking last week, and somehow the topic of baby names came up. I told her part of me wanted twin girls, so I could name them Abigail Tyler and Elizabeth Austyn. But there is another part of me that isn't sure I ever want to have kids of my own. Anyone who has known me for a long time will be shocked to learn that.

I've babysat since I was 10. All I ever wanted was a baby of my own. But babies grow out of that cuddly stage, and turn into children that you have to interact with, and teach and discipline. When I was somewhere around 21, both of my best friends had babies (my nephews. I don't have any blood nieces or nephews yet). And I got a small dose of what 24-hour parenting was like. It was fun, but it was nice to be able to be like "I'm done now" and be able to give them back. Around that time, I was also a nanny. I actually got sick of other people's kids, but not my nephews of course. I quit watching other people's kids because I wanted some of my own someday.

I fully admit that I'm a selfish person. I like my life being my own, and not having to take care of anyone but myself. But more than that, there are kids in my life that I "parent". Not just my nephews, but Ida's boys, and Sarah's daughter, but not her so much since she's a teeneager now. And I notice trends in that that I'm not sure I like. I'm really strict, and sometimes I'm mean. I don't try to be mean, but sometimes I look back and think, "Wow. I could've handled that better" I don't worry about it too too much, since I know the lectures they get from me are a very small percentage of their overall "parenting".

But what about my own kids? I'm really worried that I'm going to be a tyrranical parent. I'm worrried that I'm going to be a parent like my father. Don't get me wrong, my dad loves me and was a really great father- hell, I'm Daddy's girl all the way, I thought he hung the moon- but he was really strict and woe to you if you didn't toe the line. He didn't hit us or anything, but he could be verbally abusive at times, and we got grounded a lot. And I'm super worried I'm going to be too hard on my kids.

People tell me it's different when its your own child, and I suppose to a point I believe that, but I still have my doubts. I've got time though, I hardly have to make a decision today. My future kids are a long way off, since I'm single and there don't seem to be any prospects anywhere on the horizon, but someday, it might be an issue.

It's storming here. There's something so great about waking up at 4 am to the sound of rain on my roof, when I'm snug in my big warm bed with my cat curled up next to me. I love that. And falling back asleep again of course.

This weekend was probably one of the best I've ever had. Saturday was ok, I went to a quilt and embroidery show, I had an aphaeresis appointment (that's where you donate plasma and platelets instead of whole blood) but they made a mistake, so I ended up not being able to donate but instead got to sit there with ice on my elbow for 45 minutes. Then Saturday night PK took me to a lesbian bar, where I had a few drinks and had a great time dancing with his good friend RB, and had the experience of being the youngest person there, the only straight person (there were some gay men as well) and actually one of the cutest females there (which isn't saying much for the rest of the crowd)

But Sunday was the best. I had tickets to see John Ondrasik at Cafe du Nord in San Francisco. I am a huge fan, and I adore his music. I bought two tickets, because Ida is a big fan too, but she ended up not being able to make it due to some family stuff, so I needed to find someone to take the extra ticket, which was a lot harder than I thought it would be. But finally, I ended up asking Michael Walsh, of iRREGULAR jOE fame. We'd never met in person, just traded emails and phone calls over the last couple of years, so it was a blast meeting him. He's super fun, and made the concert that much more enjoyable.

We got to the club, and while standing in line we struck up a conversation with a couple of the people around us, and ended up sitting/standing with Nadine, the woman we had met in line. The club was a lot smaller than I had expected, which was exciting because it was that much more intimate a performance. The opening band was horrid. The lead singer reminded us of Phoebe from friends. A minute or so into the first song, Michael leaned over to me and whispered "Smelly Cat!!" and we both busted up. Nadine wanted to know why we were laughing, so we told her, and she totally agreed with us.

Another few minutes go by, and we have a conversation that goes like this:

Michael: "10 bucks if you request Smelly Cat."
Me: "That would be funny, but no way. Maybe Nadine will do it"
Nadine: "Do what?"
Michael: "10 bucks if you request Smelly Cat."
Nadine: "I don't have the balls for that. You do it. I'll give you $20."

So they sing a couple more songs, and during a break between songs, Michael cups his hands to his mouth and yells "Smelly Cat!!" Thing is, where he was sitting, he was hidden by a post and couldn't see the stage. A guy standing near me apparently gave him the evil eye for doing it, but he got a few laughs as well.

Finally (after what seemed like an eternity but was really only about 40 minutes, the opening band was done, and Nadine and I and this other woman whose name I never got were talking about Alice Everyday Rewards points, and then about how much we love John Ondrasik, and Michael just sat there smiling and semi laughing at us. He offered to steal the poster off the bathroom wall for me, which of course I had him do (so cool!) and finally John took the stage. The three of us (Nadine, Mystery Woman and I) swooned. Michael looked at John, then looked at us, and said to me "As long as it's a musician it just doesn't matter what they look like does it?"

The concert was great, I *love* his piano playing. People were singing along a lot (myself included) and it was just wonderful. There was a guy standing kind of in front of me, who was dancing to his own rhythm, and these tables up front full of women in black dresses with matching pink Gap scarves, who were all merrily drinking away, so Michael did a lot of people watching since he couldn't really see the stage from where he was sitting. After the set, one of the Black Dress Chicks wanted him to sign her CD liner notes, and he said he'd be right back. And he came out and signed autographs.

The BDCs were fawning all over him, because he sat on the stage right by their table. I hadn't even thought to bring my liner notes for him to sign, but thanks to Michael, I had a poster for him to sign! Whoo! And when it was my turn, there was still a BDC trying to hold his attention, and I gave her this evil "hello, I waited in line, step off" look. But he signed my poster "Hi Judy, All my love, John Ondrasik" and then gave me a hug. He also remembered the email I had sent him two years ago. I was on top of the world the rest of the night and all of Monday.