The following entry is all about female bodily functions and mishaps. Once I got over the mortification factor, it actually became kind of funny, but if things like periods and tampons freak you out, do not click the "more" link. And if you do click the more link, don't blame me if it squicks you out, you've been warned.

WARNING - NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH!!

Well, I went to the reunion, and it was a surreal experience. People kept telling me it was so good to see me, and in my mind I couldn't help but wonder why they would say that. I mean, it's not like I was a long lost friend or something.

But people have changed. A lot. I was surprised by who was balding and who had gained weight. And I swear one of the girls had a boob job. Somehow I wasn't surprised at all by the person who showed up in the tweed suit with the bow-tie. There were a lot of people there- about 110 of or class of 200 RSVPed, and a few who hadn't RSVPed (like me) showed up, so, it was a big group, at first all crammed into a small space- the bar.

I talked to a lot of people, most of them just the surface, broken record conversation of "So, where are you now, what are you doing?" A lot of people stayed fairly local, within a couple of hours of "home", but a few people are out of state. One girl, one of the "popular girls" from highschool, has gained about 40 pounds and lives in Alaska. Another girl, who I remember from 3rd grade on, lives in New York and is a journalist for Fortune magazine. It's weird, because I went to preschool with some of those people, and have memories of them from then. Funny thing- the golden boy of my class was an East Indian boy named John- and last night he was still the golden boy. He's actually the reason I was at the reunion, because he called my parents house and talked to my mom, who in turn called me at work and started applying the pressure.

I think one of the dumbest things that has ever come out of my mouth came out last night. I saw the guy who was voted "Most Non-conformist" by our senior class, and he was wearing this black blazer with white grosgrain piping, and this funky tie. And I was like "Hey M. Good to see you. You're looking very British tonight (beat...beat...) Wow, I can't believe that just came out of my mouth" He just smiled and we laughed it off, but man was that dorky.

Some of the highlights:

The girl who made my life hell (well, one of them anyway) actually apologizing for being so shitty to me. We had a really nice talk, and I was saying how weird it was that people were so glad to see me, and I told her the reason I hadn't wanted to come was because no one was nice to me in school and the only reason I wanted to go was to show them I was happy, that I had a good life and that they hadn't broken me, but that I decided answering immaturity with immaturity 10 years later when I should definitely know better, well, didn't seem like a good thing to do. Then she just looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry. We were such jerks back then- you got a raw deal in school and you didn't deserve that. I'm so sorry for the way I treated you" And really, what to you say to that? So I was saying it was weird being there, with random people saying hi to me, who wouldn't have given me the time of day back then. I realize we all grew up, well, most of us anyway, but it was still strange. And how there were people that I know saw me, that avoided eye contact and wouldn't say hello, which was how I had expected everyone to be, and then Kim said something surprising. She said, "They don't know what to say to you. I mean, what to you say to someone whose life you intentionally made hell? To be honest I didn't know what I was going to say to you either. I was so happy when I got your email, and I'm really glad that you came". Wow.

Seeing the guy that I had a crush on from kindergarten through senior year. He and I emailed a few times about 2 years ago, but I hadn't seen him in about 8 years. He was there with his fiance, who is utterly fabulous and I had a great time talking with her. And I've never seen him so happy, so that was great.

Then there was Emily. Emily is the little sister of my first boyfriend, Jason. She is dating one of the guys from my class, so she was there even though she's younger. Jason didn't go to my highschool, but for some reason Emily did. To make a looooong story very very short-(click here for a slightly longer explanation) his parents hated me, and I thought she did too. I have very bad memories of everyone in that family except Jason. So all night, I kept eyeing her, wanting so badly to go and ask her how he was. I haven't talked to him in 11 years. I was so nervous about it I actually called Keegan from the far corner of the deck, and he gave me the courage to actually try to talk to her. I walked over to her, and had this little speech prepared "Hi, um, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to tonight but I couldn't let this chance go by and not ask how he is." I walked up to her, put a hand on her elbow to get her attention, and the exchange went like this:

"Hi, um, I know I'm probably the laste person you want to talk to-"
"Why? Why... why would you say that?"
"Well, um... because... I don't know..."
"I know who you are. You want to ask about my brother."
"Um, yeah. I do."

We chatted for about 10 minutes or so, in which time I found out that it wasn't just me, her parents treated her friends badly too. Sadly, I found out that Jason isn't doing so well- he isn't happy and he's working what sounds like a dead end job, and has been there 7 years. That was hard to hear, because I of course would rather hear that he's married to someone else, or gay or something, just as long as he was happy. I asked to her tell him I said hello if she talked to him, and she said "Oh, I'm totally going to tell him that I saw you, and that you look great... I think it'll be good for him to know that you still think about him."

After that, I decided it probably wasn't going to get much better, and I had accomplished the few things I really wanted to, so it was time to go. Besides, the guys had started doing shots at the bar, and the drunkenness level was fast approaching the place where things were bound to start getting ugly. So I said my goodbyes and got out of there. All in all, it was a good experience, and I'm glad I went, because it was a lot different than I thought, and now I don't have to wonder for another five to ten years.

This may be a long ramble. I can't guarantee it'll make a lot of sense. I can guarantee I will sound like a whining baby at least once. You've been warned.

I think I mentioned a few posts back that I wasn't very well liked in high school. There was the in-crowd, A-list, whatever you want to call them. Then there were your various stereotypical groups; the jocks, the stoners, the cowboys and the band geeks (who weren't really geeks and a lot of them were both cute and popular); then there were the kids who didn't belong to any group and were sort of just there, then there was me, the girl almost everyone looked down on and made fun of. And I'm not just feeling sorry for myself, its the truth. I had friends, but none of them were in my class.

My 10 year reunion is on Saturday. I hadn't planned to go. It was expensive and being held somewhere I thought was inappropriate, so I was fine with not going. Apparently I was not the only one who thought the venue was a bad idea... the latest flyer I got in the mail said "For those of you who were less than thrilled with the original location and casual tone for the Class of 1994's reunion, we have decided to make a change!" Wow, looks like she didn't get any less perky in the last 10 years... (shut up, it's my blog and I can be bitter and sarcastic if I want)

About three years ago, I was working for a nonprofit and was loving my job and making really good money. My office was across the street from a Safeway store, so that was the convenient place to do my grocery shopping. Two girls I went to high school with (Becca and Becky) worked there. One night I had worked late and was doing my shopping about 10 PM, and Becca was in one of the aisles, stocking. We talked a bit, and somehow the subject of the reunion came up, and she was saying she didn't think she'd go. I said I wanted to go so that I could show everyone that they hadn't broken me, that I had a good life and that I was reasonably happy. But then a bit more recently it dawned on me that that wasn't the most mature approach to it, and if that was the only reason I was going I should probably just not go.

So anyway, my mom found out I wasn't going, and said she thought I should. Not pressuring me or anything, just saying she thought I should. She's always seeing people I went to school with around town, and tells me they actually come up to her and ask if she's "Judy's mom" and tell her to say "hi" to me, so part of me thinks going would be worth it. I've gone back and forth on it, but the bottom line is, if I don't go, I'll always wonder. So, I'm going (this statement subject to change before 7pm Saturday) and I'm a total basket case over it. I'm trying desperately to find a new outfit before I go, something flattering. Which is really hard to do. Ugh. Just shoot me now.

And send Vodka.

My friend's son took a picture and is trying to get it onto a Jones soda bottle. Mick's a great kid, Iggy is the biggest bundle of energy per square inch of dog I've ever met (and yes, more than Vinnie or any of the Kings' chihuahuas, including Buzzard Bait), and I love Jones Soda, so please, won't you vote for this label?

Last nights dream was, um... interesting. Normally I could give a rip about politics, and my voting strategy *seriously* tweaks some people out. (My boss, our paralegal, Caryn's boyfriend James...) So the fact that I had dreams about the upcoming presidential election seems very out of place for me.

It started with me at my computer actually... I was reading blogs, and reading Brad's page, wherein he had posted that he had been in a TV commercial. I IMed him and asked about it, whether it was a local or national commercial, yadda yadda, and he said it was just a local thing. I thought little of it after that, but then a few days later I was watching TV, and there was Brad. There were several clips of him smiling, with his bike, in his blue MS-150 jersey. Then it showed him sweating and headed for a shower. Then it switched to his wife, who was in this little area surrounded by tables, but the tables were upright on their ends, so that the tabletops made a vertical wall around her, obscuring most of the view of her- all I could see was her head. She was dancing with someone, I assumed it was Brad, but then, no, it was an elephant. Then candidate names popped up on the screen: "Escuelo/Downey 2004" and I realized it was an ad for a presidential campaign. And I was trying to figure out why the heck Brad would be endorsing these candidates.

And as I was trying to figure it out, Laura Bush came and sat next to me, and commented that it was a good commercial. And I said, "Yes, but those were my friends in that commercial, and I'm not sure why they'd be endorsing Escuelo... He's always been in Kerry's favor." And Laura Bush just kind of looked at me funny, and I was like "What? I'm not going to lie to you just because of who you are. I don't support your husband either." Then all of a sudden it dawned on me that I was at some kind of garden party in *support* of Bush. And then Mrs. Bush and I proceeded to have a discussion on exactly why I didn't support her husband and his policies. I came up with some good points too, and had a lot more passion than I usually have about politics in my daily life. The only thing I really remember that I said was that my support of Kerry had nothing to do with party affiliation, and that if Bush's policies were different, if I really thought he was the best choice for our country, that I would vote for him, but, well, things are how they are and I just can't support that. She didn't try to change my mind. She said my points were well thought out, and while she didn't agree with me, she said my reasons for coming to my decision were valid ones.

It was about then that I woke up. I don't think much about politics, as I said before, and I actually had to stop and really think about whether or not I had voted in the last presidential election. I did, and I voted for Gore, but I remember not knowing who I was going to vote for, because I had serious issues with both candidites, and frankly, had I thought there was a viable alternate choice I probably would have voted for him rather than vote for either Bush or Gore. This time the choice is much more clear, and apparently I've given it more thought than I'd realized.

I wrote this part Saturday while waiting to audition:

At auditions blogging from my phone. There's a guy behind me practicing his song under his breath. I'm wondering if I shouldn't be doing the same thing. But I figure, if you don't know your song cold by now, no amount of singing it right before you go in there is going to help. It's so nerve-wracking to wait. Number 49 is in there now, and I'm number 53.

Saturday again- after I sang but before the dance audition:

Okay, the song went really bad. I feel so out of place here- I haven't auditioned for a musical in 10 years. I'm sitting in the green room waiting for a big enough group to do the dance audition. Everyone brought clothes to change into for the dance segment. Me, I forgot there would be dance and am in jeans an flip-flops. Part of me wants to just go home, I know the song sucked and why even bother, but I'm not a quitter and I'm not going to run away.

I wrote this part Monday morning:

I bombed the audition. I was fine until I got into the theater. I handed my music to the accompanist, and said my name and the song I'd be performing, and as soon as the music started I started shaking. I got lost a couple of times and my volume was all over the place. I think I finished well, but he beginning of the song was awful, and I was so nervous I just stood there, and couldn't get the expression of feeling behind the words and the notes.

The dance part of the audition wasn't so bad, as the first half of it was waltzing, and I already know how to do that. I would have done better at that if my partner had been better, but oh well. The modern dance segment was a mess, but I didn't wory about it much as most of the modern dance stuff would only be being performed by the Green People (living scenery). Sure, had I done well enough to get the part of Martha, my songs would have had some sweeping movements, and a little bit of dancing, but nothing like the piece we were doing for the audition. If I got cast as a Dreamer, all their dancing is waltzing.

I didn't get called back. Oh well. I'm going to try to tech the show, maybe do lights or follow-spot or something. Maybe someday I'll get to be *in* Secret Garden. This was probably my last chance at my dream role, because I'm already too old to play Martha really, but I could be happy with another part.

There is a company called AuctionDrop that has a location near my house. Basically, they'll sell your stuff on eBay for you and take a cut. But this morning, on my way to work, I saw a billboard for the local NBC station, and "AuctionDrop Live!" - the billboard proclaims:

All the excitement of eBay on live TV!!

Uhhh. Yeah. I'm excited when I buy stuff on eBay, but eBay live? Umm... not quite my idea of exciting TV...

It is a very bad idea to be seized by and overwhelming need to yawn and stretch, just as you've taken a very large sip to drain a can of Diet Coke. Trust me on this one.

Now, before anyone starts in on me- I'm not doing Atkin's. Normally carb consumption is not something I think about obsessively. I mean, while I try to be sort of careful, if I'm craving crackers, I'm gonna eat me some damn crackers, and not say, "oh, too many carbs, I can only have a half of one". But even I have to ask whose idea it was to put pasta and potatoes in the same can of beef vegetable soup.

I've decided I want to take up running. That might be a bit ambitious, but maybe putting it here will kick my butt into actually doing it. I joined a gym back in early July. I've been bad about going the last couple of weeks. It's hard because I used to go Tues/Thurs/Sat but now I have Shakespeare rehearsals Wed/Thu, which pretty much means if I go to the gym as often as I'm supposed to I'll be busy every night after work. Ugh. I need to find my intrinsic laziness and find some sort of pattern for myself. I have all these goals for myself which require me to become more active.

Anyone have good tips for someone who hasn't ever done any running?