I'm grumpy and lame, so this is all you get this week.

Hands touch... Eyes meet
Sudden silence... Sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy world
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream... Too far
Don't lose sight of... Who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what might have been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, Lithe limb
She is winsome... She wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish... Don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a girl I know... He loves her so
I'm not that girl

-Idina Menzel as Elphaba
Wicked Original Broadway Cast Recording

He's getting married. Not that I ever really thought he'd be with me, not that I didn't know it was probably coming, but it still stings a little.

It was an adrenaline loaded evening... I was having a quiet night at home for once, watching Gilmore Girls on DVD... I turned it off at 9, there being a show I wanted to watch, and as I switched from DVD to TV I caught the tail end of an Emergency Broadcast System Alert. At first I thought it might be an Amber Alert for a missing child, but then they started talking again. A 7.0 earthquake had struck off the coast of California, about 300 miles away from here, and there was a tsunami watch for the entire Pacific coast.

I think there was the amount of frenzy there was because of the one in Asia in December. But my parents live right on the coast. My best friends parents live on a cliff in Mendocino, much closer to the epicenter. I called my parents, I called my best friend to tell her to call her parents, it was nuts. Very shortly after I heard the news, they called off the watch, and everyone breathed again.

The only other tsunami warning I can remember was when I was about 11. I don't remember being all that worried for my own safety, thinking the water couldn't come anywhere close to our house. I'm older now, and having seen just how far the water went in Thailand, well, I wasn't so convinced this time that my parents house was far enough away.

I can't imagine if it had happened here. I would be safe, living about 17 miles inland, with some decently sized hills between my house and the ocean, but I know so many people who live on the coast. All the important places of my childhood could have been swept away in an instant, and I still know a lot of people who live there. And all I could think about though was Rasee. How she lived so close to the devastation, but she was safe. How I would not have been as strong and as proactive as she was. How the toys I still have here at the house for the Warm Fuzzies project might have been needed for kids here. It was crazy.

There was a birthday party this weekend. There was the Monopoly drinking game, really, really bad cucumber infused vodka, and I learned I make one hell of a cosmo. The party was much smaller than I expected, as several peopple ended up not being able to make it at the last minute, but it was prety perfect the way it was. There was a lot of laughter, and a *lot* of vodka - my friend had to call in drunk to work - and it was a good party.

Seven years ago I was freaking out about turning 22. Blame it on a project in highschool I took too seriously. When I was a senior, I took home ec. One of our projects was a time line out our entire life, birth to death, the fact that most of us were 17 notwithstanding. When I was a teenager, I had my whole life planned out. I wanted to be married at 20, during my sophomore year of college and have my first child by the time I was 22, soon after getting my degree. I knew what I wanted, and I thought it would be easy.

On the eve of my 22nd birthday, I had none of the things I thought I would have. It was more than having no marriage and no first child. I had no degree, no boyfriend, and I didn't really want kids anymore (though that didn't stop me from being depressed that I did not have one). I was so depressed to be turning 22. It wasn't really even about not having any of the things that the 17 year old me wanted. It was about feeling like I hadn't accomplished anything in my life.

It's funny, but tonight, on the eve of my 29th birthday, I can't imagine my life having been any other way than it has been. I can't imagine having a seven year old. The husband part might be nice, but I wouldn't be who I am today. Some of the crap I've put myself through wouldn't have happened, but those were things that shaped the person I've become. And when I really think about it, I like the person that my experiences have made me.

29 is going to be a good year.

When I got off work yesterday, I was in a fairly decent mood. I wasn't overjoyed about anything, but I wasn't in a bad mood either. Then I went shopping. I went to the mall, where I browsed in Lane Bryant and Torrid. Lane Bryant didn't have very much at all worth looking at. None of the cute sweaters and knit tops I had been interested in when browsing their website were available in the store. "Oh well", I said to myself, "I'll take a look at Avenue." I took a quick sweep through Torrid, but I rarely find anything suitable for work there, so I wasn't terribly disappointed about not finding anything.

I drove down to Redwood City, headed for Avenue, when I came upon the Redwood City Library. I've never been in it, as the Foster City branch is close to my office and is more convenient for me. But the Redwood City branch had a book in stock that I had been looking for (God how I love the online card catalogue!) so I decided to swing in. (The building is gorgeous and I've wanted to go in many times, but they were never open when I thought about it.) I will not make that mistake again.

I never thought I'd say this about a library, but, haaaaaaate! It is poorly laid out, and it is very difficult to find anything. I wandered in circles and up and down stairs and through the Non-Fiction room (more like a warehouse) for several minutes, before finding the children's area quite by accident. I managed to find the book I was looking for (young adult biography) with the help of the children's librarian. I asked her where the fiction section was, and she told me to go to the second floor and turn left. Well, when I got to what seemed to be the second floor, there was no left. Turned out I was on the mezzanine level. So I went up a second flight of stairs, where again there was no left. I made a right, then a left, and found myself in the Project Read room. Through the Project Read room and another right, I was in the fiction secion. Which again, was more like the fiction warehouse. I couldn't find anything that looked interesting, so I headed to the checkout desk. Where I found a second fiction section, with all kinds of interesting looking things. I'll stick to my regular library, thank you very much...

From the library I headed to Avenue, still in search of some new work clothes. I found a couple of cute things, but nothing that jumped out and grabbed me. There was a lavender and pink boucle jacket that was on amazing sale, but it was lavender and pink. The blue one was not as cute a cut, so it did not warrant a second look. I got increasingly frustrated as i was flipping through the racks, and seriously wanted so scream "Have you ever heard of natural fibers?!" because everything on those racks was rayon and polyester and stuff that didn't feel good when I touched it. So, I left.

Then, it was down to Los Altos, to test my wireless card, which had mysteriously ceased working in the week that it had been unplugged from my computer. I plugged it in to Charlotte's computer, and it powered right up. Thus leading me to believe it was not the card, but the PCMCIA slot on my *brand new* laptop. So I spent 45 minutes on the phone with Dell tech support, the conclusion of which is that my laptop, which I have had for one month, needs a new motherboard, which should be being installed tomorrow.

I'll believe that when it happens.