On my seventh birthday, we finished dinner, had cake, and my parents gave me my presents. Weirdly, seven is a birthday that I remember better than any other birthday as a kid. In fact, it may be the only one that I remember the specific presents. I don't remember what my parents gave me, but my dad's parents sent me a Little Twin Stars towel set (and let me tell you- I used the bath towel and washcloth til they were threadbare. I think I still have the hand towel somewhere) and my mom's mom sent me a Cinderella dress.

After all the hubbub was over, my dad, who for some reason was wearing his jacket inside the house, said "You have one more present. I have it, but you have to find it."

He had put something in every pocket. His shirt pockets, pants pockets, jacket pockets- all of them. Things like a rock, or a key, or a piece of paper. Things that were not my present. I put my hand over his right breast pocket, and there was a cassete tape in it. I took it out and printed on the front, in my dad's careful all caps handwriting, was "JUDY'S TAPE".

I had children's records, but I'd never had a cassette tape of my very own. (keep in mind this was 25 years ago now...) I don't think my older sister had one either, because she was really jealous. It was very short, only part of side A of a 60 minute tape, but it was probably about right for my attention span at the time.

Over the years I listened to that tape so often that I eventually wore it out and it broke. The saddest part about it breaking was the loss of side B, where my friend Jason and I recorded our eight year old selves being silly. At one point I was Dr. Jonny Fever; we tried to get his cockatiel Cracker to talk; and at one point his little sister was screaming in the background and there was the awesome "That was Emily screaming". You probably had to hear it for any of that to be funny, but anyway...

I don't have it anymore but I remember every song, and almost the order:

I'm Being Swallowed By a Boa Constrictor
I Have a Song to Sing-O
Grandma's Feather Bed
Day is Done
(song that I vaguely remember but don't know the name of and my dad doesn't recall)
Annie's Song
American Pie
Puff the Magic Dragon
Take Me Home Country Road

I could be missing a song, but I'm not sure.

This year, my dad made me a CD. It is Made Of Random, but they're songs he loves, some of which he knew I liked (Maxwell's Silver Hammer, White Rabbit, Flying Purple People Eater), others I've never heard of (Tan Shoes with Pink Shoelaces, Please Mr. Custer, Tennessee Bird Walk), and he wanted to share them with me. It's been in the CD player in my car for 10 days now.

Every once in a while someone asks "What is the best present you've ever received?" and I think the answer has to be the tape when I was seven, with this new CD coming in close behind.

I don't know if it's made national news, but Northern California is on fire. Where I live and work are safe, as are my family and friends, but there are 3 or 4 fires in this area, and when I breathe through my nose it smells like fire. I don't like it.

The Oakland Hills seem to burn every few years, Tahoe had a bad fire recently, and there was a big fire south of here last year and I could see the smoke in the air, but I've never been surrounded by it to the point that I am able to smell it before. It's really disconcerting.

Good thought for the firefighters and homeowners please?

Happy Birthday Jason, wherever you are.

I have hockey class in two hours and I don't want to go. My gear is all packed and ready, except for my gloves which Chad is going to bring to me because I lent them to Nicky earlier this week.

Last night was Bravo, a big fund-raising event for the theater where I work. I spent a long couple of hours tending a bar set up on a too low table in heels, then another very long 90 minutes helping clean up and pack up afterward. There was not a single part of my body that did not hurt when I woke up this morning. I'm still vaguely stiff and sore after a long hot shower and lunch.

Hockey class is too hard when I'm at my best. I have no idea how today is going to go. I'm still going, I just don't particularly want to today, which is sad given how long I waited to be able to take this class.

**UPDATED**
I went, I suited up, and I really tried. I made it through half the class before my legs just gave out. But I didn't punk out and stay home, so for that I can be proud.

I saw this in a sig line on a forum and wanted to stick it somewhere for later remembering.

"Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen, and thinking what nobody has thought."
-Bill the Cat

Just wanted to share a letter I just sent to one of my favorite web sites. I'm not the girl who sends flame emails to bloggers. If you do something on your site I don't like, I either stay becasue I love the rest of your content and ignore the parts that bug me, or I get bored and move on. The web site Television Without Pity (TWoP) has long been a favorite of mine. A year-ish ago, it was purchased by Bravo, with the promise that it'd deliver all the same snark, which it by and large has. But they've messed with the site design, and everyone I know and have talked to about it hates it. A big heaping lot.

A couple of months ago, the the founders, Sars, Wing Chun and Miss Alli all left "to pursue other ventures". There were whisperings among my friends that something may or may not have gone terribly wrong and that was the reason behind their split. Right around the same time, the TWoPs current site design was unveiled. In a word, maybe two, it is, Truly Awful. But I love me some snark, and so I grit my teeth and stick around, and say nothing. Until today, when I finally just HAD to send them a letter.

What I sent is below, behind the cut because it contains spoilers. If you don't know who won Step It Up and Dance last night, and you don't want to know, don't click. (See TWoP?? That's how you do it)

Because I was tagged by Caryn and Heather.

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was working at a video game company and living with my parents, saving up money to move to Merced, CA to be nearer to my best friend Erica, who had just had a baby. Also, I had just helped my other best friend, Michele, get out of an abusive marriage and move her and her 8 month old son back in with her mother.

2. What 5 things are on you to-do list for today?
-Mail out one EP and prep another to go out Monday
-Go to California Chicken for lunch because they're closing for the whole summer after today
-Filing
-Work at Hillbarn tonight- my last night til the fall
-Pack my hockey bag to take to San Jose tomorrow- lots of gear stuff happening tomorrow (exchange shin pads, get skates baked, try on Dee's spare shoulder pads and buy some if hers don't fit, have Dee fix my suspenders, fix my soakers)

3. List some snacks you enjoy.
-Granny Smith Apples
-Cheetos
-Pita Chips
-Brie and crackers
-Baby Carrots
-Dried Fruit
-Dill Pickles

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Quit my job, hire Jillian Michaels to be my trainer and lose all the weight I need to lose, then travel and buy lots and lots of fashion.

5. List the places you have lived.
-Petaluma, CA
-Half Moon Bay, CA
-San Mateo, CA
-Foster City, CA
-Merced, CA
-Redwood City, CA

6. List the jobs you have had.
-Babysitter
-Sales Clerk
-Bookseller
-Nanny
-Data entry contractor
-Receptionist
-Philanthropic Services Associate
-Legal Assistant

It would seem that I'll be signing up for beginner hockey classes, starting on Sunday. I've been wanting to do this for a couple of years now, and the finances have finally aligned in such a way that I can do it. But I'm totally scared. I'm a wuss, and I don't really like looking stupid in public. I'm incredibly gunshy about it because my weight makes me a fairly public spectacle on a daily basis as it is. I'm not super thrilled about the idea of being the elephant on ice skates in the class.

I did a "give hockey a try day" in February, and it was fun, but really really hard. And they made me fall down, which apparently is my "thing". I don't want to fall down. I don't like falling down. I don't like not being able to get back up after I've fallen down.

But I've been talking about this for years now.

I have skates, and gloves and some fairly expensive hockey pants, as well as some borrowed elbow pads and shin guards. All sitting in my closet or the trunk of my car, where they are not doing any good to anyone.

So I'm going to toughen up, summon all of my courage, and possibly my bottle of happy pills so I don't cry if the coach yells at me, and I'm gonna do this thing. And I'm gonna rock it out.

I'm a fairly sensitive person, but I don't often cry over the plights of people I don't know. Hallmark, Kleenex, and Walgreen's commercials, sure, Grey's Anatomy almost every week, but not news stories about people I've never met.

Until today.

Today there are two things. One is the tragic accident that resulted in the death of the daughter of contemporary Christian recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman. I'm not going to write about that much here, but please, if you have children, hug them extra close tonight.

The other is closer to me, no pun intended. There is a massive wildfire burning in the Santa Cruz mountains, close enough that if the wind blew in the right direction, I'd be able to smell the smoke from my house. I live far enough away that my home will be safe, and so will most everyone I know, but there are people out there at this very moment losing everything they have, if they haven't already.

According to the news it is very hard to get fire insurance in that area, so many people losing everything have no real hope of regaining what they've lost. A fledgling winery has burned, a cottage whose owner just put the finishing touches on it two days ago, people's pets are missing. Owners and volunteers have managed to save 260 horses and take them to an evacuation area at a local fairground.

Please, if you're the praying kind, ask your God or Higher Power to be with this situation. Light a candle, send good thoughts out to the universe, or something else of the kind. For the people whose homes are lost, for the people hoping it won't be them next, and perhaps most especially, for the teams of firefighters coming from all over the state, that they will contain this blaze and stay safe doing it.