I thought there was more to say about Boots' situation, but there's not really. He got his positive diagnosis, and he talked to me about who he should tell and who he should not tell. I think he told most of his friends, but it was a couple of years before he told his mother, that I know. The thing is- he's not sick. We don't act like he's sick. I don't spend every minute worrying that he's going to get sick. I won't say that I didn't at first. We actually had a big fight about it. It's a fact, we know it's there, but it's not something that needs a whole lot of discussion. But it's in the back of my mind, and so it's an added reason to choose SFAF.
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"Oh, they told you that life is long be thankful when it's done,
Don't ask for more, be grateful
But, I'll tell you life is short, be thankful
Because before you know it will be over"
Here's the thing: My doctor is more concerned about my cholesterol than my CD4 count. It is stable and I am asymptomatic, so why mess everything up by taking a bunch of pills that not only may not work, but may lose effectiveness over time (as the virus mutates) and that will certainly cause side effects that will be noticable?
I think the thing that irritates me about people asking me about my health is that I feel singled out when anyone at any time can get sick or die suddenly.
NEWSFLASH: Life is FRAGILE. It is to be treated with the utmost respect and reverence. I can't allow my friends to mourn something that hasn't happened yet and I don't want all of the attention to be shifted on me when tragedy could strike anyone.
Please do not misunderstand me. A) This is not directed at Judy. Quite the opposite. And, B) I am very grateful of the fact that I am surrounded by so many generous and thoughtful people, especially Judy and other friends like her. However, I do have a few friends, mostly ones that live far away and that I talk to on a more infrequent basis, who consistently ask me about my "health".
Don't do that. Nobody asks a 30-something about his health. That's what you do with your parents and grandparents who are pushing 60, 70 or beyond. I know you think you're being helpful, thoughtful or sensitive, but you're not. I can manage my own health and, when something finally does go wrong, I P-R-O-M-I-S-E I will let everyone important to me know.
It is truly enough that I, myself, do not know if I will make it to 40. Or 50. That f___ing sucks. But, it is 1,000 times more painful to think that all of my friends worry about this for me. All I want is for my friends and family to be there to share the happiness and sadness as it comes. If I passed away tomorrow, I would leave this Earth knowing I led a good life, had the best friends, I loved and was loved in return, and that I was the best person I could be.
Posted by: Boots at July 30, 2006 02:14 AM